It's Christmas, which can only mean one thing: Ted Turner's TBS network will run another 48-hour marathon of "A Christmas Story." Solid programming considering everyone in America has seen this movie at least once. You have at least ask the question of why a network would give this movie Court TV-like coverage of the O.J. trial in 1995.I think the message is loud and clear. Ted Turner is telling every 9 year-old in this country to pester your parents until they buy you a gun. And like any 8th grader will tell you, if you get a gun you don't wait until Saturday to show your buddies. You hide the gun in a trench coat and show your friends during school.
This movie was made in 1983, which means the BB-gun from 25 years ago needs an upgrade. No kid in this country wants a Red Rider BB-gun from the '80's. I'm thinking an updated gun x-mas wish list probably includes a 9mm, TEC-9, or AK-47.
I don't think Ralphie would been able to handle an AK, but no question today's kids wouldn't have a problem. By the age of 9, the average kid in America has already played 5,265 hours of Halo, giving him the marksman skills of Lee Harvey Oswald.
I get the message Ted Turner. Let's keep showing a repeat loop of "A Christmas Story" and you should inspire at least a couple thousand little Charleton Hestons. Get those kids trained before they hit puberty and your average schoold should be a much safer place. Well back to more TBS coverage of this classic, but I think we all know by now that Ralphie was a just a colossal pussy.
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