Monday, December 22, 2008

Is Courtney Cox Un-American?

I know what you're thinking, "what could be un-American about the lovely Courtney Cox?" I would have agreed with you yesterday, but after the former Friends star made the following comment about her marriage to 15-time Pro Bowl punter David Arquette, I am thinking otherwise. Her comment on marriage? (read below and try not to grimace in pain).

"I don't know what the future's going to hold, but divorce isn't really an option," she said.

Divorce is not an option? The audacity. Listen, I don't want to start listing all the things I love about this country, and there are plenty (Scores Vegas, the Spearmint Rhino, Craigslist, tube8, etc), but divorce has to be at the top of that list.

Thankfully not all Americans think like Usama bin Courtney or an entire industry could be wiped out faster than you can say "sub-prime mortgage securitization." According to this site, there are 225,316 divorce lawyers in the U.S., all of whom provide an invaluable service. All of these Americans would join the ranks of thousands of Citibank employees if everyone just said "divorce isn't an option."

Think of it this way: when you go test drive a brand new car, do you have any idea how long the transmission is gonna last? Of course you don't. The same can be said about marriage. Oh, you went out for 2 years and now you're Nostradamus and can see the future? Think again. Just because she didn't cut your balls off for going to Vegas with your buddies for the bachelor party doesn't mean you're not getting a frying pan to the back of the head when you come home at 9 o'clock on a Friday night with just a hint of perfume mixed in with lotion.

Same is true about guys. Ladies, just because he didn't check out a single girl the first year you dated and was always home early after watching football games, doesn't mean he won't be checking out the waitress at the Olive Garden wondering what kind of panties she's wearing on the first Tuesday after the wedding. Probably just a basic, white cotton, but still, the thought is there.

I'll give Courtney Cox a pass on this one, but if I hear one comment about how people should spend more time with their kids, she's officially a member of Al-Qaida to me.

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